but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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