Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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