I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
