No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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