Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
