I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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