You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
