Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
