i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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