Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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