I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just google imaged poop.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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