His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm always down for nudity.
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