wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
