i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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