i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
