god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
