3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
don't judge my taste in strippers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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