sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
