So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
