looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
