I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
