I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
