she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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