His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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