be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
