This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
