Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
