Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your penis caused this!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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