I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
