He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
