if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
