so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
