If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
