we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Boobs are out for the taking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
