HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
