I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is not my ceiling
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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