I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
