so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
