your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
