guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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