The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
