I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
