Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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