Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
