Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
