party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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