That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
