why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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