careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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