dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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