One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
