I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
