one might say we're banned from that church
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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