Im at strip club and am horny
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
