He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
