sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
