i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
