I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
