I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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